How am I supposed to feel now?

Some days are better than others. Some days parts feel like nothing is different between us and other days difference is all that I can think about. There used to be so much love here, between us. And now it's all familiar touches and empty space. Its hard knowing that it's over and even harder acting like it's over. We walk the finest line. You're always gonna feel like my boyfriend. I'm always gonna naturally pull toward you. I don't know how I'm only just now remembering our history together. No matter what amounts or dissipates from this one thing is for damn sure, nobody will ever have anything on the connection we have. You know me so well. And I don't know that I'll ever get over the fact that I destroyed that. How am I supposed to feel now that it's over? That this is the end..? I just feel like shit, eventhough I feign indifference. I wonder if it phases you anymore. Probably not. I wouldn't put it past you. You have always deserved better than this. I've always maintained that stance. You've always deserved better than me. To be quite honest, I can't believe you put up with my shit this long. I'm selfish and difficult. Stubborn and thickheaded but all of these things show me just how much you truly love me. Or loved me. You were able to look past all my fault and my past. And honestly, I am scared shitless that nobody else will ever be able to do that. How am I supposed to feel now that I've started to realize that I may have fucked over the one good thing I had?