my selfish heart

As selfish as this is going to make me sound, I don’t care. I resent having to share the last couple of days I had with you. I hated having to go out and see everybody else when all I wanted to do was be with you before you had to leave. I understand that your going now and that everybody is going to miss you too but I just don’t know, I needed you all to myself.

I hate that I was working. Time was never on our side in any of this. I’m trying so hard to be a big girl. I’ve never been one to cry but I have to admit after I dropped you off at the airport I went home and bawled my eyes out. I know that everything is going to be okay with us, for that I have no doubts. I just know that it’s going to be a long long time.. and there is no guarantee that I will be able to come out and see you one last time. I really hope that I can save enough money in time to fly out.

The only communication we have between us in via phone and internet. But between the time difference and us both working it is going to be difficult. I feel like for the next month that is what I will be sustaining from and after that I don’t know what I’ll do. I just wish this once I would have acted on my selfish impulses..

fighting for nothing

All the reasons I used to justify why I was mad at you was such bullshit. I know deep down in my heart that I was upset for things I couldn't change. Because I knew that no matter what you were still leaving in the morning when you woke up. And that hurts so much. I miss you so much already.

the quiet before the storm

I can feel it.. it is similar to how old people can feel the aching deep within their bones when the climate is going to change.. I can feel the aching in my heart.