Time passes by

It has been a long couple of weeks, hell it has been a long couple of months. A whirlwind of changes has taken effect into my person life. In a way I am so grateful for the change and the chance at a clean slate but at the same time the whole sleuth of possibilities utterly terrifies me. It’s all so new and horrifying and I am utterly exhausted. Everything hurts. From my head to the aching in my bones, even the best day can’t mask the slow tick of pain that in consistently plaguing me. I just want it to get better and I know that everybody says that “time heals all wounds”, I get it. I just it’s hard when every aspect of my life is tied back to my past. It’s hard to start over in a place where you used to be someone so different.

You know how they say, "The universe conspires in your favor"? Well, they lied.

One bad thing is unfortunate, two bad things is a coincidence and three or more is a pattern. These last few months have been a rut for me. I'm down and I'm out and to be honest I don't really know what else to do. Normally, when things get scary I turn to the people who have always been there to support me, to guide me. The only people I know who genuinely care for me are in short supply. I feel like, they've grown sick of me. So now I'm on my own. Independence is a good thing and dependence is a handicap, but at this rate I don't think I'm better off. I know that all these things will help me to become a bigger and better person in the long haul but what scares me most is I'm not sure that I'll be able to make it out of this in one piece. I've really never felt this alone in awhile.

Hypcrisy becomes you

Sometimes I sit and think about the people who are in my life and I am fucking appalled by how hypocritical they are. Some people feel that they hold such a precedence over every decision you make and that makes them better. People are so quick to point fingers and reluctant to lend a hand. 

goals for 2012

- to take better care of myself. this pertains to both my personal and physical well-being. work hard, play hard but also take time to rest.
- communicate more. don't be so low-pro with my feelings.
- and being as vague as possible: tl b4 2013.