the luxury in loneliness

This past weekend was extremely eventful, four days in the dessert with one other female companion. Coachella was one hell of an experience and I'm so glad I went. It's weird though, in a sea of people I had no greater desire than to be by myself in the midst of it all. I like that freedom. I like being able go where I please wither having any sense of consideration for other people's desires. It's not that I am anti-social, I think I'm just extremely independent. Totally comfortable with being by myself. It reminded me a lot of myself when I was younger. Thinking back to high school and the year following graduation.. this was how I used to operate. I mean I've always been the quasi-social butterfly so to speak. People often refer to me as the link in the chain of friends, the glue or the connection. I'm the organizer of events and fun. But, honestly I have no ties or dependency in this. Granted, yes I do have my moments where I want to be out doing things but it doesn't make or break me. A lot of times going out and being around excessive amounts of people is complicated. I think it all stems from the tendency people have to be unreliable. When people make plans and don't keep them it used to absolutely kill me. It would hurt me so bad, especially when I was invested in them. And as a result of this I hate flakes. Now that I've grown up I've become more intolerant of it. Blow me off once and I'm over you. It's like Morrissey says, "In my life, why do I spend valuable time with people that I'd much rather kick in the eye?" I have no desire or need to part-take in false relationships. Maybe this is why I'm harsh. I give off this unapproachable vibe to people. They think I'm mean, bitchy, or stuck-up. Admittedly, I do posses these characteristics but it's really no sweat off my back. In my mind, the people who are truly worth my time and value to my life will look past that and work at it. I mean, nothing worthwhile comes easy, and the same thing can be said for my company. It all boils down to quality, not quantity. I'd rather have a few close people in my life, than a hundred fake fucking friends. Because when times are down you can truly see who matters by who helps you when there is nothing to gain. Those are the type of people I want in my life.