The turning point

Do you ever go back and try to think of that one defining moment? That moment that would stand out as the turning point where everything in your life changed? I couldn't pinpoint it for the longest time, I could just chalk it up to a general time-frame.. but now out of no-where I remember. Thinking back to that time, before everything. Before the i do's.. the kisses.. the commitment.. there was the innocence.. and there was the raw connection. The force that pulled me toward you. That was the turning point.. the decision that I made to not pursue you. To feign all my interest in pursuit of what I thought was then a committed relationship and the beginning of my new life. Thinking back about it all, I can't help but play the what-if game. Indulge myself even by asking the questions I've always wanted to. But now thinking about where I am, I know that I had to go through it all to get here. And I'm so happy. Don't get me wrong. I am so so happy. I just, I can't help but feel like there was a missed opportunity there. And now with the crossing of our paths in an odd way it makes me feel nostalgic. It makes me feel like it was 4 years ago. And that's strange to think that, I might be able to re-do my turning point. Choose the other option. But at what expense? It's a scary feeling. I know that there will be nothing of consequence to amount from this because I will make no action. I have no motive or desire to go down that road.. but is it wrong that I still have a desire to make place for you in my life? Even if only temporary and even if only as friends, I do want you here. I think if people were to know the circumstances of our friendship they might be skeptical about it now, but it's like you said before, you don't take the past personally. And we shouldn't. The past is the past and the past is dead. There is nothing wrong in pursuing an objective future. It's just funny how life works, and to see things come full circle years later.