you know i can be so very good, but i am not always best.

Honestly, I must be so good at keeping stone faces because 95% of the time my under-lying emotions are unrecognizable to people (myself included). But I am finding more often than not that in my free-time, the time where I am not utterly exhausted and pouring myself into bed, I am overcome with a deep sadness. Maybe the passing of the dates has sent me into this weariness but now that it is here I feel I cannot shake this. It was our 11 months on the 17th and although most would say that we are in "the home-stretch" and that the worst is over I can't say that I can agree. It feels like now time is ticking by excruciatingly slow and this is where I need you the most. It feels like these little moments are things you're missing. And most of all what's missing is you. It's been a long and painful time. To be entirely honest I don't know how I've managed to make it this far without completely crumpling under the crushing weight of pain and loneliness. I am just that, lonely. Lonely and longing for the one I love, the one I need. I'm tired of the tears that always seem to linger and the sadness that never seems to go. I just feel like a large part of myself is missing and that with each passing day that person I used to be is getting farther and farther away. I know I can be so very good at hiding my emotions, but I am not always best. And I know that I won't be able to keep this up forever.